Got mail? Is it a delight or a disaster? The Bold Doll goes postal and finds that all is not well in parcel land.
Do your parcels pack a punch, and what is it about packaging? These days most doll collectors are far too familiar with Internet shopping. I was recently browsing some back issues of doll magazines from over 10 years ago – my new time-filling hobby, creating a little dentist’s waiting-room moment in my own home. How things have changed: these publications were chock-full of dealers’ small ads and endless listings of doll products. It really wasn’t that long ago but it felt like the olden days.
We used to call sellers on the telephone and discuss our requirements with them, or we would take pen to paper and actually write a letter. One or two of the more go-ahead advertisers had something called a web site – but this was rare. It seems like another age – yet this is how we used to operate until recently.
Well I say “we”, but I have to admit that I’m a relative newcomer to the doll scene – which explains in part my fascination with doll mags from the recent past. So my experience of buying (yes, and selling!) dolls has been entirely electronic and generally it has worked out well.
Initial fears of early internet shoppers about electronic payment and security of the e-commerce sites have largely been allayed by the service providers, although we do still hear the occasional horror story.
My pet gripe with this electronic superstore and the myriad of non-professional sellers within it is the packaging. Someone should set up courses on good packing protocols. Maybe they already exist – but I could go further and suggest that anyone signing up to sell on eBay should go through a compulsory class on perfect packing.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not especially picky, but the way some folks pack up the valuable items they’ve just sold and are entrusting to the mail is plain dumb! I’m sure that the various delivery services have good intentions, but with the best will in the world packages will get bashed when they are dealing with such large quantities – it might be your package but it’s not going to be singled out and treated with kid gloves. During its journey, the average parcel will be dropped, bumped, knocked, and possibly even kicked! Which makes it all the more important to take every precaution when wrapping stuff up.
Memorable examples of daft packers who have almost reduced me to tears include…
The Newspaper Hoarder: Commendable as it is to be environmentally aware and cut down on waste by re-using newsprint, this is not a great medium for direct contact with dolls. It’s an alarmingly common practice to wrap dolls directly in newspaper and then, surprise, surprise you can read the headlines directly from the doll’s vinyl when it arrives all smudged and besmirched. Newspaper is fine for packing, if you must, but please protect the doll itself with some clean white tissue – or even just a plain plastic bag – and I can reserve my precious bottle of Twin Pines of Maine Formula 9-1-1 Doll Cleaning Fluid for more deserving cases.
The Walmart Bagger: Plastic supermarket bags are another great packaging method provided they are clean – the smell of sour milk or stale food products does not work well with my doll collection. Some baggers are so keen to get rid of their excess plastic that they vigorously overstuff. When I’m buying a boxed doll, I’d like the doll’s box to arrive in good shape too – not overcompressed and crushed due to extra plastic bags being jammed in. Just enough to immobilize the item is more than sufficient, thank you.
The Degree in Advanced Engineering: Some sellers have both the time and the inclination to finely craft their own packaging from other boxes – so they are precisely tailored to fit the item perfectly. While this sounds like a good idea in principle, more often than not you have the dickens of a job trying to get the doll out of the package without damaging it – assuming you haven’t already harpooned the thing with scissors in the process of opening it. What’s wrong with a sturdy box slightly bigger than the object (and preferably not smelling of sardines), protected with some nice clean bubble wrap or polystyrene nuggets?
The Origami Expert: Closely related to the Degree in Advanced Engineering, but with a more freestyle, creative approach. This packer delights in recreating existing packaging to make exciting new shapes and art-forms not previously known to mankind. The shapes and forms rarely bear any relation to the size and shape of the item intended to be shipped – but this is of minor consequence as it will be forced into the newly-created container regardless.
The Astrophysics Professor: A complete puzzle that has been packaged with such cleverness that it’s impossible to fathom out where to open it. The black hole of packers.
The Scotch Tape Fiend: The point of Scotch Tape is to secure packaging, it is not meant to be used as a packaging material in its own right. This point eludes the fiend who will use at least a roll of tape on every package and on every layer (of which there are always many). Probably the most securely packed of all of the types here but you might want to throw the whole thing in the trash on receipt – rather than spending hours of your life trying to get into it, unless you’re the lucky owner of an oxyacetylene torch kit.
The Recycle Maniac: This one’s a shredder. As previously explained, I have nothing against everyone doing their bit to recycle waste. Saving the planet – I’m for it. But using shreddings as packaging is a nightmare. Rarely do you get any warning on the outside of the box of the horror story that lurks within, and not until your room and person are covered with bits do you realize you’ve bought from a shredder.
In my fantasies I imagine that the Walmart Bagger and the Recycle Maniac might join forces to produce perfectly serviceable sealed bags filled with those dreaded shreddings. But I suspect these types are all so devoted to their own particular packaging strategies that it will never happen. Oh, just one thought in case a shredder happens to be reading this (unlikely I know, whole sheets of paper rarely last long in their hands), how about sending your shreddings straight to compost?
The Polystyrene Queen: Re-using polystyrene packing beads is a great idea providing they’re are still clean and fresh. It’s deeply unpleasant when the unpacking experience turns into a kind of ghoulish lucky dip and you’re not quite sure what other surprises will surface in addition to the thing you’ve bought. I won’t go into detail, but this is particularly important for sellers with pets. Enough said, I think.
The Bubblewrap Babe: This stuff does last for a long time and is great for many trips, but please recognize that it is no longer bubble wrap once the bubbles have popped. Now it’s just a sheet of thin plastic and will only afford the protection of such. Dusty, grey, old scraps of bubblewrap will do the job, I suppose, but they give such a poor impression and I always wonder how well the goods I’m buying are stored if the packaging is in such poor shape.
The Non-smoker Smoker: If you’re mailing from a non-smoking household it’s a little counterproductive to wrap your sold items in re-used smoky packaging. The smell will transfer, especially if the parcel is bound for a far-off international destination. Just don’t do it. Please.
This story first appeared in Fashion Doll Quarterly magazine in 2011. Since that time I have modified my collecting habits extensively, and I know I’m not alone in this. We should all be doing our bit to re-use and to reduce waste. Recycling materials is the way to go – just make sure everything that’s being re-used is clean and serviceable. But over and above that, do you really need this item anyway? I have been actively trying to reduce the amount of stuff I own. In the case of dolls, I won’t buy anything new if I’ve already got something similar, and even then any new doll has to have that extra-special something. I’m routinely looking at each doll I have with a critical eye. Anything that no longer thrills me goes to a more deserving home.
All illustrations © The Bold Doll
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